What happens in this house…

| October 10, 2017
Lakeya Stewart

The Rev. Dr. Lakeya Stewart

By the Rev. Dr. Lakeya Stewart

Family secrets can be detrimental. “What happens in this house, stays in this house”, they said. These words were heard in many families.  Holding some personal information as confidential is one thing, but being told to keep silent about hurt and abuse that one experiences is another.

For far too long we have silenced our children and they are often confused as to what they should and should not say in public. I once heard someone say that “children should be seen and not heard” further silencing a voice or concern the child might want to convey. How do we find a healthy balance between what should indeed be kept confidential and what needs to be shared with others for help?

I made a post on Facebook about this topic and someone privately inboxed me a personal story recounting her need to sleep between her parents at night as a child to avoid her parents physically fighting. Can you imagine the anguish that child experienced? Perhaps you have experienced it yourself. I wonder how this person has been impacted by this today. These are dangerous family secrets.

I often wonder, “What’s behind that smile” when I see couples with a seemingly picture-perfect marriage. I agree it is not appropriate to humiliate your spouse in public or social media, but many times what we see is not reality. A happy marriage is possible, and I am thankful that I experience one; however, how does one who is secretly being verbally abused find help? What happens in that house, should not stay in that house.

I would like to take a further look at how “what happens in this house, stays in this house” has even caused detriment in the church. In my short 31 years of life, I have seen churches, and particularly pastors fail to reprimand or report offenses to the proper authorities. For example, I have known of unhealthy marriages being forced to stay together due to the guidance of the pastor. Stories have been shared with me concerning wives being physically abused by their husbands and their pastor stating that it was the responsibility of the woman to remain with her husband. These “church secrets” would likely be denied if one were to approach the pastor about them.

Family secrets can cause great detriment. Whether it is a biological family or a group of close-knit friends in a church, secrets have the tendency to destroy and not develop relationships.

The power of the Holy Spirit has the authority and ability to empower those who currently experience abuse to seek help. Abuse is often cyclical and getting out of that cycle can seem impossible for some. With God all things are possible. For those who have previously experienced hurt and abuse whether in the home or the church, there is help for you. Yes, God is an ever-present help, but God has also equipped and gifted counselors who are able to walk with hurting people through their challenges. There is nothing to be ashamed about. Freedom through Christ and the Holy Spirit’s leading brings a peace like none other can provide. Trust God to lead you or someone you know toward that peace. God bless.

—Rev. Stewart

For questions or further correspondence concerning future topics or speaking engagements, please email at RevStewartSpeaks@outlook.com.

 The Rev. Dr. Lakeya Stewart, D.Min. attended Berea College earning a B.A. degree in both Sociology and African & African American Studies; Lexington Theological Seminary earning the Master of Divinity Degree and more recently, Regent University receiving the Doctor of Ministry degree. Lakeya currently resides in Fort Wayne with her husband Daniel and their one-year old triplets.  She has a passion for working with people of all ages as they connect and deepen their faiths in Jesus.

Tags: , , , , ,

Category: Spiritual Matters

About the Author ()

Frost Illustrated is Fort Wayne's oldest weekly newspaper. Your Independent Voice in the Community, featuring news & views of African Americans since 1968.

Comments are closed.