He that findeth a wife…

| April 23, 2014
Lakeya Stewart

The Rev. Lakeya Stewart

Rev. Stewart Speaks!

By the Rev. Lakeya Stewart

“I can’t wait to find a man once I go to college!” This is the phrase that many of us ladies said while in high school. We sought to live out the “American Dream.” You know, the plan that many ladies have to be married by 21, have two children by 25, the house, the white picket fence, the dog…. In high school, I remember talking amongst my friends about our aspirations to  not only go off to college to study, but to go to college to find a spouse and ultimately to get married.

What despair people often feel and speak of when their dream of falling in love and marrying while in college doesn’t happen. This is the turning point for many ladies. This turning point often leads to desperation. Do you know any desperate ladies out there? I mean, desperate for the attention of a man? Ladies often begin to strategically place themselves in arenas to find men, rather than allow men to find them. Have you been there?

Proverbs 18:22 states, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.” Study of this scripture will show that this scripture refers to the man seeking and finding a wife and not a woman seeking and finding a husband. In our society, many women have become the aggressors in relationships and dating and this seems to fall outside of the biblical model.

I would like to pose a question: Why is it so hard for us, as believers, to accept and embrace the stage of “singleness” in our lives? Is it because marriage has been glamorized to depict the long romantic evenings and fun summer vacations? Is it the awesome Facebook picture that we can post together as a married couple? Or, is it because we are not patient? Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall in the book “Lady in Waiting: Developing your love relationships,” say this about patience: “Impatience to find a man can cause a woman to argue her ‘right’ to date a man who is not godly, maybe not even a Christian.” (page 139)

1 Corinthians 7 is a chapter on marriage. In particular, I would like to lift up verse number 34. It reads:

“There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

Here, Paul is conveying to the people in the ancient city of Corinth what he knows about marriage. Earlier in this chapter, Paul talks about it being better to walk alone (meaning to remain unmarried) so that our focus is solely on pleasing God. Many of us have or currently wonder, “but how am I REALLY supposed to live this out?”

Like so many of my friends, I remember feeling like I would never have anyone to share my life with. I had very little patience when it came to waiting on God to send me a mate. Living overseas was great, but I often wondered how much more fulfilling it would have been if I had my husband along with me! I remember always wanting to be married at the latest by age 25. When this did not happen, I made up my mind that I was going to be sold out for God in an even greater way. I determined in my heart and mind to “go hard for God” and I believed God to add the rest like my favorite verse in Matthew 6:33 encouraged me. So, I accepted a youth minister position away and off I went—alone.

An old friend whom I met in 2007 was great with technology and after the first couple of months away, he taught me how to use Skype and we began to communicate every day. I found myself falling asleep with Skype on and waking up at odd hours because of different time zones. It all happened suddenly. He came to visit me, we had a date in Rome, Italy and the following September we were married!

Well, it didn’t happen quite like that, but something like it! I was serving God with all of my heart while overseas. I relied on the hospitality of others and support of family and friends back in the United States and some great families I met overseas. I took this time to study scripture, pray, fast and commune with God. It was during this time that God gave me peace like I had never experienced. In the hustle and bustle of society, it can be quite rewarding to steal away for some quiet time with God. It is in those moments alone with God that He can really speak to us. I was not concerned about meeting my potential husband while I was abroad because I wanted to be focused on ministry. I wanted to devote all of my attention to the youth and the congregation that I was serving.

During my alone time with God, I sought His plans for my life, embraced it, and discovered my purpose. It was only after this that God gave me the desires of my heart. My husband found me. Not as I had imagined or even where I had imagined, but I learned that God’s timing is perfect. No, my gracious husband and I are not so perfect, but we are perfect for each other! Be encouraged!

For questions or further correspondence concerning future topics or speakingengagements, please email at RevStewartSpeaks@outlook.com.

—Rev. Lakeya Stewart

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Category: Spiritual Matters

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Frost Illustrated is Fort Wayne's oldest weekly newspaper. Your Independent Voice in the Community, featuring news & views of African Americans since 1968.

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