ASK GWENDOLYN by Gwendolyn Baines
Dear Gwendolyn: Four years ago, I met my fiancé at church. He has proven to be the perfect man, but married. I did not hesitate dating because he immediately explained the mental state of his wife. This is the problem: His wife is in a state that does not allow divorce when the spouse is not in sound mind. I am hearing a lot of gossip. Some church members say my fiancé would beat his wife. They say he once beat her so badly she was hospitalized—and from that point she walked with a limp.
Gwendolyn, do you think she will ever be again of sound mind? How long should I hang in there for a chance to be his wife?
Dear Gloria: Let me tell you this: I will share a situation similar to yours. I know of a lady who claimed to be just a casual friend to a church man. People knew they were courting but pretended due to the fact his wife was in a mental institution, they could not marry. This lady dated this married man for years. When his wife died while in the institution, that left her husband available to marry. But guess what? He married another lady and they had a huge expensive wedding. The nice lady who had dated him aged 20 years or more looking sad and downhearted.
I strongly advise not to wait hoping to be his wife. Think about it. He probably caused his wife’s mental condition. So back to your question of how long you should hang in there, I say—two months. If you continue to date him, think about it. His wife is not the only one—crazy.
Got a problem? Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P.O.Box 10066, Raleigh, NC 27605-0066 or email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org. To receive a reply send a self-addressed stamped envelope.
This article originally appeared in our May 15, 2013 issue.