I am sorry to say the things of today are not the same as yesterday. As we all look around we can see the things are not the same nor have they changed for the good. Yes, we can speak of the early ’60s, of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and John F. Kennedy—strong men who acted as men not just in words but deeds.
Today, many people say that men don’t act as men in regard to taking care of the family as it relates to protection and providing as men did in those days. Some may even say that the way men today dress or act might make you question what happened. Today, some feel marriage is just going through the steps or motions to say that they are married. Better yet, to say they have a husband or a wife, knowing deep down inside the reality of their lifestyle had been hidden with a piece on the side, is a problem. Some may even want to bring a third person in the bedroom—no matter if it’s another man or woman—to complete their own sexual desires or in other cases just to make “him” happy. I must ask, what happened? Where did our conviction go?
Now people, my sisters and my brothers, a man is a man and a woman is a woman no matter how they act, look or even dress and dare to say “pretend.” It is what it is—I’m just saying.
Yes, women may have always had the strength to reach and exceed their goals set for themselves and for the needs of the family, because men have in some cases ran from those responsibilities, for whatever reason. Only you as a man can justify it, but maybe it is time for you to question your own choices as a man. The truth is you chose to lay down and said that you were going to take the responsibility as a father but later you were nowhere around. Now I must ask, what happened?
In the past, when a man took on a relationship with a woman, he took on the responsibility of her family. Nowadays it’s just a live- in boyfriend—or should I say a sex partner—with no intention of giving any guidance to the children, or your baby’s momma. We all have been told that a true man will step up. Are you that true man? Let’s not get this twisted—no man can be a woman and no woman can be a man, that is why you first have to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want.
If you are not going to be honest and tell the truth, sooner or later your partner and children will realize the impact you had on their lives. Now it is not for me to speak of people’s lifestyles, I’m just asking what happened? The older generation tried to teach their children that men are men and women are women but today those roles seem reversed. Children are calling a woman “daddy” and a man “mommy.” I must say, what happened?
Kids are being so disrespectful, they are selling drugs and having sex in their parents’ homes and committing murder. The kicker is the parents are buying the condoms that the kids are not using. We as a generation like to think that we are more educated now than before, which means we should be more knowledgeable, but that is not true. We killing our own more than ever. There is a higher rate of black suicides and children are dropping out of school with a rate of more than 50 percent. In some areas, teen pregnancy is way higher now than before. How can we say we are more knowledgeable?
Now, since we have a black president, some have stopped referring to him as President Obama, they have the audacity to say “Mr. Obama,” which has never been done with any other president before.
Being blessed, coming from a very close family I have had to look at others, who have no loyalty or family bonds. Fathers are not there, mothers are trying to be the children’s best friends, looking and trying to act like their daughters and not raising them to be young ladies. Children today are out of control, they no longer have the grandparents with the “Old” wisdom. I have to ask why are some parents acting as if those days never existed? When we where children, we never knew the “deeds” our parents did when they where children. Why must our children today think it is ok to know of our “deeds?”
Nowadays we have men making so many babies they can’t keep count of them. If you ask them the child’s birthday they could not tell you because they are in and out of prison, on drugs or in and out of the home “house hopping.” There used to be a time when we all looked forward to having family come around and visit, nowadays we can’t trust them in our homes. Once again, we have to ask why some parents are not raising their children to be able to live in society on their own.
Most of all, I believe in God, but we as people think it takes God to come back and save our children. Guess what? He is not coming back to raise your children—He told you to do it. Let’s tell the truth: It takes you as a parent to do the right thing and to take not only control of your home but your child’s life. You know the roles that your son and daughter are playing. Why do you allow them to do those things in your home? First of all, it is not up to the village, it starts with you as a mother, a father and a grandparent.
The Bible says “you live by the sword, you die by the sword” (we can say “by the streets”). If we allow our children to be drug dealers, murderers, prostitutes and gang bangers, expect the end result to be that which is not favorable for our children. We must tell the truth it is not about God, the churches, me as a man, or some other family member. It starts with you. I am still asking, what happened to our family and community? The answer is, kids are having kids.
K.C. is a native of Fort Wayne, now living in Kansas City, Mo. Having grown up in the church, where he has been a frequent speaker, he said he is concerned about the state of the church and wants the entire Body of Christ—clergy and laity—to keep in mind the truth of Christ’s healing message of the Spirit. He said that message must be extended into the community to help heal there.
This article originally appeared in the May 1 print edition.